What Connects Me To My Future Husband

I knew my heart sparkle the brightest when my ex-boyfriend (now my husband) offered me and my sister to relax in a beautiful garden after a tiring and frustrating day. I was convinced that my deep admiration to my boyfriend was when it was my turn to pass on his kindness to my parents.

GIVING

"To give is to bring positive difference and life changing experience to both the giver and the receiver."

What to Give

Giving is going out of your self to connect to nature and beings. It is detaching a portion from oneself and letting it go for others to use and enjoy. To give comprise a piece of your persona not just tangible assets. In fact, Azim Jamal and Harvey McKinnon stated in their book, “The Power of Giving”, a list of what one person can actually give to others. Here are their samples:

1. Love

2. Laughter

3. Knowledge

4. Leadership

5. Hope

6. Life

7. Time

8. Money

9. Skills

10. Health

11. Touch

12. Attention

13. Advice

- and really, the list can go on and on. In addition, there is kindness, respect, smile, forgiveness, flowers, service and there are those that are extra-ordinary. Like, they go as far as donating their kidneys and cornea. But for a soul exercise, simple things like doing errands for a sick wife, extending a hand for an elderly who struggles to get on the bus, volunteering for a river clean-up in your neighbourhood, staying a while to listen to your friend’s problems or joining a tree planting in your community is praiseworthy.

Why We Refuse To Give

Sad to say that despite to give is more blessed and admirable, giving to many is a dilemma - a question of whether or not. People often came up with excuses not to give. Even to a point that the positive belief of ‘loving one’s self first’ is used as a rationale in an attempt to make their reason sound more acceptable. But honestly, some are just afraid of being kind and to some, they just chose not to be.

Perhaps, the predicament is due to past hurts and experiences, unmet expectations and of how we view the world. Certainly so, to share in a rough and selfish generation holds people back. Our society had been too cautious about selflessness, generosity and even kindness. Even for a fact that giving and generosity is usually one of the important principle of every religion.

There are people who often viewed being considerate and open-handed is idiotic or jackass. Many believed they go nowhere being giving. Often ripped off and ousted out from the good things that life has to offer. Also, they think their charitable acts no matter how big or small won’t eventually build a monument for them. In fact, a multitude are convinced they have these people around if they chose to share:

1. Those who satiate and take advantage of their help.

2. Those who depend with them because they can provide.

3. Those who flee after they are ripped off and

4. Only few will remember to come back for gratitude or pay it forward, anyway.

The Benefits of Giving

Regardless of all the reasons of not giving, there are still plenty of grounds why we should choose to give that even our sect encouraged us to do. In the book, the Power of Giving, sharing is discussed to have some positive impact on a giver. There are emotional, physical and financial benefits. Also, it can help a person achieve his full potential. Sharing can as well bring meaning, fulfilment and happiness. Actually, giving gains a person:

1. New relationship

2. Feeling of security

3. Job

4. Good health

5. Sense of empowerment, pride and accomplishment

6. Happiness

7. Peace and love.

Giving for me, is a sign of good health and vice versa, giving brings good health. It is also by giving that humanity is preserved and connected.

Giving Kindness

"We are not kind if we are only kind to ourselves."

Soberly, many people think kindness exist only with the weakling. Kindness has been linked to meekness. This matter had been discussed in various books already.

Specifically, the book “The Kindness Quotient”, by Rhonda Sciortino, stated that there are actually people who surprisingly do not respect and admire people who are kind. Rather, they see them weak or feckless, someone to be disregarded. Also according to her, there are some people who indeed believe that kindness is a virtue of losers. Its sobering to know this. Imagine a world where all people are unkind. It will be totally immoral, heart-breaking, scary and unsafe. People may get paranoid and anxious about each other. We may live in isolation and worries about the future.

On the other side, Rhonda emphasised that the reality of exuding authentic kindness really takes incredible strength. And I totally agree with her. Its not always easy to choose and do what is good and better especially during tough times and with difficult people. Surely, it takes an ample of emotional, mental and social exercise to give kindness.

To add up, Rhonda also said that people who learn to practice the art of kindness are:

1. Happier

2. More peaceful

3. Have better relationships, and

4. Often enjoy better health.

That is because they suffer less stress than the average person.

I can definitely attest to this, clearly because keeping all the negativity and bad feelings within ourselves and refusing to diffuse it by choosing to give makes one feel terribly exhausted. Its like a boiling water ready to explode anytime. Negativity, just accumulates more and more and adds to an unnecessary source of illness and misery.

Therefore, if a person wants to be happy and healthy, simply, choose to give kindness.

The Receiver

It has been famously said that its better to give than to receive. To give kindness, share time, and offer fun is rewarding. Although it is correct, it is also pleasant to receive. When someone had been generous to you, it lightens your burden, changes your outlook, gives you hope and trust to humanity.

Receiving can also be beneficial. Simply because people loves asking. I have not known people who never ask or need anything at least once in their life. Inadequacy exist even to those whom people think already had everything. In fact, many people often ask God in prayer everything they want. To others, there will always be those secret wishes and anticipations. Also, nowadays, bucket listing of desires is already a hobby.

When the day finally comes that the scantiness and absence of something is filled up whether by self effort or by the gift from others, we are glad, joyful, thankful and grateful. For instance, if God at last answered a yearlong childless couple’s request of having a baby, they usually cannot wait to tell the whole world that they’ll finally having one. They are over the moon to the point that they wish every unfruitful couple will someday experience the joy they feel for having such a bundle.

Receiving brings happiness and if people are happy its easy to grant wishes for other people’s happiness too. They are fuelled to act similar to the giver. Thus, they pass it on, making a better and happier place to live - all because it starts from someone who chose to give.

Gratitude Keeps the Cycle

But is it just receiving alone that makes one happy? Of course not. One may receive what they yearn for after a long time, yet still complains, whine and irresponsible about it. The answer is not only receiving at all but gratefulness - gratitude.

In Jill Lublin’s book, “The Profit of Kindness”, she said that there are people who had everything that it takes to be happy but are unhappy and there are people who suffer misfortune, but are deeply happy. Therefore, according to her, it is not happiness that makes us grateful, it is gratefulness that makes us happy.

Gratefulness keeps and continues the cycle of giving. Thus, tying people to other special being who share the same values…and this is how we were connected.

For J. Lublin said, “human species is designed to be in sync." We moved to the rhythm of others, mirror the actions and moods of others, gravitate towards like-minded peers, and align with people who have the same sense of humour, beliefs and values.

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REFERENCES:

Azim Jamal and Harvey McKinnon (2008), "The Power of Giving". Published by Tarcher Perigee; pp. 11, 13, 28.

Rhonda Sciortino (2018), Kindness Quotient". Published by Hatherleigh Press; pp.1, 5, 9.

Jill Lublin (2017),"The Profit of Kindness". Published by Weiser; pp. 46, 77

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What Others Did Unto You, You'll Do Unto Others

What Others Did To You

It was my first time outside the country and my purpose of visit is to accompany my younger sister while she takes on a new job offer as well as help her manage this transition. After such time that she will be able and stable, Im done - and I have to go home. This aim had kept me focused. So while my sister is busy with her legalities, I kept my daily routine of cooking, housekeeping, scheduling and such for her. But little did I realised that I can also loosen up a bit while doing so.

Luckily, somebody made me conscious about that. He has a good heart to divert me from mundane tasks. He (my then ex-boyfriend, now my husband) gave me and my sister a break. He was kind enough to offer and take us for a one whole day stroll at the Botanic Garden. So, we excitedly acknowledge his invitation, changed our clothes and zoomed at the bus stop.

As soon as we get to the garden, we were greeted by doves around the fish pond. Then, few hours after, we hooked ourselves in observing all the swans at the gorgeous lake. In fact, we were there for more than an hour, enjoying the scenery, the happy people around and the fresh air emitted by the surrounding trees.

Subsequently, we walk towards the symphony lake, sat at the grass for a long while and entertained ourselves with all the cute dogs playing around with their best friends. We moved on after a long while, by wandering at the lovely flower area and admiring all of them. As we grew tired, we settled down on a wooden bench and had a hearty, silly and playful laugh while ex-boyfriend is busy taking photos around. And when the night came, we direct ourselves for a long forest walk and down to a private road looking for something to eat.

To sum it all up, we had a wonderful, relaxing and delightful day. It made us appreciate more the foreign country we are staying and of course, the guy who extended a hand to welcome and saunter us around.

Few weeks had passed, we still can’t stop talking about our nice day at the garden. We can’t help but adore all the photos we had taken.

Fast forward to 2 years, mom and dad had booked tickets to visit us.

You Do Unto Others

How joyful and thrilled we are to finally introduce to our parents the country of our bread and butter. Of course, their itinerary for a month was packed with touristy activities and places. My sister and I divided our time with them equally. Fortunately, I was the first to take them out.

After work, I fetched them and gladly exclaimed that we are going somewhere they can breath fresh air, lay on the grass and had some mini picnic just like when we were kids. I believe they are still tired from their flight the night before. So a stroll at the Botanic Garden will just be fine to warm them up in a foreign land.

Upon arriving, I showcased to them the fish pond while remembering exactly how it feels when my ex-boyfriend brought me and my sister there. Further, they found the swan lake irresistible. Also, we lazed at the gazebo, ate our packed fruits and chips and gazed at the beauty of the serene lake. We actually waited for the shy swans to swim nearby us. Unluckily, after an hour they never came.

Consequently, we decided to slowly walk surrounding the lake to appreciate the fishes and turtles instead. And that was the time when we finally had a glimpse of the gorgeous swans. Seeing my parents smile while they watch the beautiful swans preciously creates a joy in my heart. As soon as the swans moved away, we spread our picnic cloth at the lawn overlooking the symphony and stayed there until it was too dark to see the stage and the people around us.

Going home, my soul is full. It is true that what others did to you and how it made you feel, you’ll most likely wanted to pass it on to others. Like anger, love, laughter and such, kindness is contagious. The actions, gestures and treatment that a person bestowed unto you will always have an unconscious impact. People may be kind-hearted or evil-hearted simply because somewhere along the road somebody had been to them.

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My Memories are Not Made in China

I found my self roaming aimlessly and non-stop for 5 hours around a huge mall. Its like Im going crazy and I don’t know why. Everything seems so unbearable despite all the little work goals I had achieved. When I finally felt hungry, I stoped for a while and sat down like Im going to fall apart. I don’t know what I want and what I don’t. I find it hard to decide where to eat and if I still like to eat. So I walk again until it was night time - that is another 2 hours.

With all the echoes ringing in my head - all the laughters and cheers I visualise out in every corner that I see, I wanted to drop into pieces. When I look ahead I saw me and my mother eating at our favourite French restaurant and talking about our dream destinations. I can hear her sound of hope and excitement. We were really specific with timeline, like travelling to Thailand in two years time. So, I knew it should be today.

I went right from me and there was a picture of my family. We were giggling and loud because after a few years, my brother arrived straight from Dubai airport with a beautiful wife and adorable baby daughter. We were all present this time so we decided to have a costumed family photo. As soon as we claimed it, we are all arguing as to where we should hang it in the house.

As my heart crushed into fragments, I stepped left of me and move on. But I only thought I was carrying on ‘cause I remember, I remember the sight of my parents looking at the endless sea - happy and contented. We had the shortest conversation for like forever. We talk about the beauty of the sun, the steak that we just ate, the story of the dress I am wearing, the last vacation we had in Indonesia and so on.

When I dropped myself for a few minutes to buy my favourite ice cream milkshake, I recollected the time when me and my mom had a bad tiring day. She just accompanied me to settle my stressful upcoming wedding as the planner is currently in Singapore with another client. We sat down in a colourful girly shop and drank our milkshake. She doesn’t like sweets and fats but I don’t know how I made her drink. Perhaps its her way of telling me she is with me in all of my pressure. We sat there until we were again chuckling. And for a few seconds, I had catch a glimpse of love in her eyes. And oh, how I admire the woman in front of me.

With that portrait in my mind, I walked back and I was stuck, stuck in the moment when I dozed myself to sleep while watching a boring biography movie of a famous politician in America. Each beside me was my sister and mom - enjoying the film up to its end. We went out of the theatre, them jeering at me. We then cross the road to view the giant wheel and bought flavoured popcorn. We burst into laughter ‘cause we did pop it into our mouth not while watching a movie but after.

Around 7 o’clock in the evening, I grew really really tired. I sat by the entrance fountain and I’m thankful to the large busy crowd, passing here and there like I am invisible. Although I seem unnoticeable, I’m glad of the warmth the masses brought around. It made me validate my existence.

But then again, I tried to walk fast and faster than I could. But it seems that all the images in my head is insanely haunting me. I wanted to run away and hide from this unfathomable and heavy grief that I feel. It made me want to explode and breakdown.

When I passed by my favourite bookstore, I find hope. Indeed, it is my favourite and solitary place in the mall. It is somewhere I feel relaxed. I always went out in this shop calm and glad even without a purchased book. But this time, though with a timely read on hand, I failed. I went out of the bookstore and looked back with a sad smile. I realised that buying books which used to make me feel good after a frustrated day - or worst day, doesn’t made me feel the same way anymore. The pain and ache I currently feel are still unbreakable. How can this be when I just thought I had already drained up all the tears?

We just had mom’s inurnment yesterday. And that is after months of keeping her at home. I thought I had moved on already but this place - this mall - an enormous mall - our favourite mall - a mall full of ‘made in China’ - a mall where mom’s eyes twinkle each time she asked us to drive here - are memories not made in China but engraved in my heart - overflowing with love and her.

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