What Connects Me To My Future Husband
- Tina Pascual
- Jul 25, 2019
- 6 min read
Updated: Aug 31, 2020
I knew my heart sparkle the brightest when my ex-boyfriend (now my husband) offered me and my sister to relax in a beautiful garden after a tiring and frustrating day. I was convinced that my deep admiration to my boyfriend was when it was my turn to pass on his kindness to my parents.
GIVING
"To give is to bring positive difference and life changing experience to both the giver and the receiver."
What to Give
Giving is going out of your self to connect to nature and beings. It is detaching a portion from oneself and letting it go for others to use and enjoy. To give comprise a piece of your persona not just tangible assets. In fact, Azim Jamal and Harvey McKinnon stated in their book, “The Power of Giving”, a list of what one person can actually give to others. Here are their samples:
1. Love
2. Laughter
3. Knowledge
4. Leadership
5. Hope
6. Life
7. Time
8. Money
9. Skills
10. Health
11. Touch
12. Attention
13. Advice
- and really, the list can go on and on. In addition, there is kindness, respect, smile, forgiveness, flowers, service and there are those that are extra-ordinary. Like, they go as far as donating their kidneys and cornea. But for a soul exercise, simple things like doing errands for a sick wife, extending a hand for an elderly who struggles to get on the bus, volunteering for a river clean-up in your neighbourhood, staying a while to listen to your friend’s problems or joining a tree planting in your community is praiseworthy.
Why We Refuse To Give
Sad to say that despite to give is more blessed and admirable, giving to many is a dilemma - a question of whether or not. People often came up with excuses not to give. Even to a point that the positive belief of ‘loving one’s self first’ is used as a rationale in an attempt to make their reason sound more acceptable. But honestly, some are just afraid of being kind and to some, they just chose not to be.
Perhaps, the predicament is due to past hurts and experiences, unmet expectations and of how we view the world. Certainly so, to share in a rough and selfish generation holds people back. Our society had been too cautious about selflessness, generosity and even kindness. Even for a fact that giving and generosity is usually one of the important principle of every religion.
There are people who often viewed being considerate and open-handed is idiotic or jackass. Many believed they go nowhere being giving. Often ripped off and ousted out from the good things that life has to offer. Also, they think their charitable acts no matter how big or small won’t eventually build a monument for them. In fact, a multitude are convinced they have these people around if they chose to share:
1. Those who satiate and take advantage of their help.
2. Those who depend with them because they can provide.
3. Those who flee after they are ripped off and
4. Only few will remember to come back for gratitude or pay it forward, anyway.
The Benefits of Giving
Regardless of all the reasons of not giving, there are still plenty of grounds why we should choose to give that even our sect encouraged us to do. In the book, the Power of Giving, sharing is discussed to have some positive impact on a giver. There are emotional, physical and financial benefits. Also, it can help a person achieve his full potential. Sharing can as well bring meaning, fulfilment and happiness. Actually, giving gains a person:
1. New relationship
2. Feeling of security
3. Job
4. Good health
5. Sense of empowerment, pride and accomplishment
6. Happiness
7. Peace and love.
Giving for me, is a sign of good health and vice versa, giving brings good health. It is also by giving that humanity is preserved and connected.
Giving Kindness
"We are not kind if we are only kind to ourselves."
Soberly, many people think kindness exist only with the weakling. Kindness has been linked to meekness. This matter had been discussed in various books already.
Specifically, the book “The Kindness Quotient”, by Rhonda Sciortino, stated that there are actually people who surprisingly do not respect and admire people who are kind. Rather, they see them weak or feckless, someone to be disregarded. Also according to her, there are some people who indeed believe that kindness is a virtue of losers. Its sobering to know this. Imagine a world where all people are unkind. It will be totally immoral, heart-breaking, scary and unsafe. People may get paranoid and anxious about each other. We may live in isolation and worries about the future.
On the other side, Rhonda emphasised that the reality of exuding authentic kindness really takes incredible strength. And I totally agree with her. Its not always easy to choose and do what is good and better especially during tough times and with difficult people. Surely, it takes an ample of emotional, mental and social exercise to give kindness.
To add up, Rhonda also said that people who learn to practice the art of kindness are:
1. Happier
2. More peaceful
3. Have better relationships, and
4. Often enjoy better health.
That is because they suffer less stress than the average person.
I can definitely attest to this, clearly because keeping all the negativity and bad feelings within ourselves and refusing to diffuse it by choosing to give makes one feel terribly exhausted. Its like a boiling water ready to explode anytime. Negativity, just accumulates more and more and adds to an unnecessary source of illness and misery.
Therefore, if a person wants to be happy and healthy, simply, choose to give kindness.
The Receiver
It has been famously said that its better to give than to receive. To give kindness, share time, and offer fun is rewarding. Although it is correct, it is also pleasant to receive. When someone had been generous to you, it lightens your burden, changes your outlook, gives you hope and trust to humanity.
Receiving can also be beneficial. Simply because people loves asking. I have not known people who never ask or need anything at least once in their life. Inadequacy exist even to those whom people think already had everything. In fact, many people often ask God in prayer everything they want. To others, there will always be those secret wishes and anticipations. Also, nowadays, bucket listing of desires is already a hobby.
When the day finally comes that the scantiness and absence of something is filled up whether by self effort or by the gift from others, we are glad, joyful, thankful and grateful. For instance, if God at last answered a yearlong childless couple’s request of having a baby, they usually cannot wait to tell the whole world that they’ll finally having one. They are over the moon to the point that they wish every unfruitful couple will someday experience the joy they feel for having such a bundle.
Receiving brings happiness and if people are happy its easy to grant wishes for other people’s happiness too. They are fuelled to act similar to the giver. Thus, they pass it on, making a better and happier place to live - all because it starts from someone who chose to give.
Gratitude Keeps the Cycle
But is it just receiving alone that makes one happy? Of course not. One may receive what they yearn for after a long time, yet still complains, whine and irresponsible about it. The answer is not only receiving at all but gratefulness - gratitude.
In Jill Lublin’s book, “The Profit of Kindness”, she said that there are people who had everything that it takes to be happy but are unhappy and there are people who suffer misfortune, but are deeply happy. Therefore, according to her, it is not happiness that makes us grateful, it is gratefulness that makes us happy.
Gratefulness keeps and continues the cycle of giving. Thus, tying people to other special being who share the same values…and this is how we were connected.
For J. Lublin said, “human species is designed to be in sync." We moved to the rhythm of others, mirror the actions and moods of others, gravitate towards like-minded peers, and align with people who have the same sense of humour, beliefs and values.
REFERENCES:
Azim Jamal and Harvey McKinnon (2008), "The Power of Giving". Published by Tarcher Perigee; pp. 11, 13, 28.
Rhonda Sciortino (2018), Kindness Quotient". Published by Hatherleigh Press; pp.1, 5, 9.
Jill Lublin (2017),"The Profit of Kindness". Published by Weiser; pp. 46, 77
RELATED TOPICS:
Comments