I Spent Three Years of My Life in Love Limbo

I was ready. I was emotionally set to take my relationship with my then boyfriend (now husband), into the next deeper level. I wanted to settle down and live side by side with him everyday. But he was not.

This cycle had been consistent for three years. I was left in too much uncertainty.

He was like a ball bouncing back and forth into our relationship. He likes texting me for a date then left me with zero communication for weeks after meeting up. This cycle had been consistent for three years. I was left in too much uncertainty. In my future plans, he was always in the picture but in my present activities he is blurry - always missing.

I am like in a guessing game, for many years, I kept my eyes close and trust the uncertainties. Unanswered questions on my mind arise like, ‘Will I trust that we will have forever? Or will I give the relationship up, look for someone else who’s on the same page as mine and not wait in vain?’ These doubts I refuse to clear up. Probably because I am afraid to accept whatever his reasons will be and partly because I am hopelessly devoted - longing to be considered as ‘the one’ if I stay.

At that time, I also find it easier to pretend to myself that things are alright between us than accept the fact that we could probably break apart.

My boyfriend was obviously considering many aspects of his life before committing to a lifetime with me (or maybe not with me). He was discernibly lost, trying to check out what his life would be with others than having me. Although he does not actually look for sophisticated single ladies to date with (as I would like to believe so), but he demonstrably flirt and attempt friendship with them. He tried to keep them in his circle - without me. I wasn’t involve in his other side of personal life, I didn’t know his deepest thoughts and future framework.

Whilst, I go with the waves, float around and desperately wish that someday I can finally find the spirit of whether to let loose or hold tight. The only decision I made was to just be contactable whenever he needs me.

Moving forward, I hustled our wasted day spending meaningful and fun time with friends.

Over our hopeful and happy mood was a plate of onion pork sizzling, a bowl of chicken soup, a serving of stirred fired kailan leaves and a savoury lemoned fish fillet.

One day, I decided to open up with my new junior pals regarding my relationship status. I’m not really sure how they can relate to me but I feel good to talk it out. I was surprised how supportive they were when after my emotional meltdown they proposed to cheer me by chilling out.

They treat me for a hearty Chinese cuisine dinner at Chinatown. Over our hopeful and happy mood was a plate of onion pork sizzling, a bowl of chicken soup, a serving of stirred fired kailan leaves and a savoury lemoned chicken. Sometimes, a good meal shared with friends are better than my dinner date with my ‘limbo rock’ dinner dates.