The Night My Boyfriend Asked Me To Sleep With Him

I am used to sleepovers and pajama parties. Almost every month, I was invited by friends. In fact, the earliest sleepover I can remember without my parents was when I was 3 or 4 years old. Mom’s friend next door, whom I fondly call Tita (Filipino term for Aunt) Nimfa, was desperate in having a child. She was married for many years with her husband yet was not given a chance of having one. She adores me so she constantly borrow me from my parents to play ‘mother’ to me. She gave me toys, bought me colourful bags, and snapped many photos of me. One night, she finally asked my parents if I can sleepover with them. Mom & Dad agreed and that one night was followed by another, then another…

I can’t exactly recall every detail of my sleepovers with Tita Nimfa, but I knew it made me feel special like having two sets of parents. When I grew up as a teenager, family friends and relatives never lost their fondness of inviting me to live with them for a while. In fact, I can tag myself as someone who was always borrowed for a night or longer. The last instance before I had my first boyfriend was when my mom’s best friend, Yolly, asked her a favour to let me accompany her for a night ‘cause she was too lonely after her husband had divorced her. I gladly spent few nights to keep her company. I slept in separate room, she let me use her perfumes and jewelries, showed me her wedding pictures, and fed me a good breakfast. I was also sent back home with lots of fruits and gourmet hams.

Indeed, I can confidently say that I am my parents child whom was always taken for a sleepover. I don't know why this had always been the case. In fact, every time my own friends asked me to join a Pajama party, I don’t have to convince my parents to allow me. They just freely let me unlike with the rest of my siblings.

When I was a teenager, sleepovers with friends became regular. There were also times when I slept over with both the guys and the gals my age in one house. However, we always see to it that the gentlemen slept in separate room while us, ladies, are having our own girl’s time.

When I reached early twenties, I had my first boyfriend and since then my perception of sleepovers had changed. I remember the first time he invited me to their family’s Halloween dinner party. He was set to drive me back before 9 PM. However, the conversations got more interesting than expected. We only noticed that it was past midnight when the pack one-by-one declared sleepiness and retired themselves in their bedroom. He lived 3 hours drive from my home, so going back was such a tedious journey. So even if spending the entire night at his place with his whole family is totally unplanned and that I am holding back inside, I agreed to sleepover.

Soon after, me and my boyfriend were left alone to do the housekeeping. As soon as we were finished washing the dishes, he popped up a request of letting me seize the night at his room instead of sleeping apart. The minute that he asked me that, time stopped for like years while I look at him straight in the eyes. Lots of questions and doubts came to my mind. I started to question my values. I should say that my morals had been challenged.

‘Why will I?’,

‘Is it really OK?’,

‘What are his real intentions?’,

‘Did he did all of these trap purposely?’,

‘What if something will happen between us?, Am I really ready?’,

’What will his parents think of me? - and my parents too?’…

Turned out that that was one of the hardest decision I had to make. Will I say yes or will I just zoom out the door and never mind if I’ll be safe or not? I was really really confused.