I Spent Three Years of My Life in Love Limbo

I was ready. I was emotionally set to take my relationship with my then boyfriend (now husband), into the next deeper level. I wanted to settle down and live side by side with him everyday. But he was not.

This cycle had been consistent for three years. I was left in too much uncertainty.

He was like a ball bouncing back and forth into our relationship. He likes texting me for a date then left me with zero communication for weeks after meeting up. This cycle had been consistent for three years. I was left in too much uncertainty. In my future plans, he was always in the picture but in my present activities he is blurry - always missing.

I am like in a guessing game, for many years, I kept my eyes close and trust the uncertainties. Unanswered questions on my mind arise like, ‘Will I trust that we will have forever? Or will I give the relationship up, look for someone else who’s on the same page as mine and not wait in vain?’ These doubts I refuse to clear up. Probably because I am afraid to accept whatever his reasons will be and partly because I am hopelessly devoted - longing to be considered as ‘the one’ if I stay.

At that time, I also find it easier to pretend to myself that things are alright between us than accept the fact that we could probably break apart.

My boyfriend was obviously considering many aspects of his life before committing to a lifetime with me (or maybe not with me). He was discernibly lost, trying to check out what his life would be with others than having me. Although he does not actually look for sophisticated single ladies to date with (as I would like to believe so), but he demonstrably flirt and attempt friendship with them. He tried to keep them in his circle - without me. I wasn’t involve in his other side of personal life, I didn’t know his deepest thoughts and future framework.

Whilst, I go with the waves, float around and desperately wish that someday I can finally find the spirit of whether to let loose or hold tight. The only decision I made was to just be contactable whenever he needs me.

Moving forward, I hustled our wasted day spending meaningful and fun time with friends.

Over our hopeful and happy mood was a plate of onion pork sizzling, a bowl of chicken soup, a serving of stirred fired kailan leaves and a savoury lemoned fish fillet.

One day, I decided to open up with my new junior pals regarding my relationship status. I’m not really sure how they can relate to me but I feel good to talk it out. I was surprised how supportive they were when after my emotional meltdown they proposed to cheer me by chilling out.

They treat me for a hearty Chinese cuisine dinner at Chinatown. Over our hopeful and happy mood was a plate of onion pork sizzling, a bowl of chicken soup, a serving of stirred fired kailan leaves and a savoury lemoned chicken. Sometimes, a good meal shared with friends are better than my dinner date with my ‘limbo rock’ dinner dates.

How I Knew He Is Someone Reliable

I was staying with a Chinese family in an old HDB* corner flat. My landlord was on his early forties, single and works as a taxi driver. The house matriarch is his elderly mother who still runs her hawker business just right down our HDB flat.

I shared my spacious and windy room with a Chinese lady from mainland China. She works in the same hospital as I do. We never talk much except every time she tells me her favourite English word, “wash”. That word actually signalled me that she is going to sleep and that I should also take a bath before I do.

Like the landlord and his mother, it was frustrating to communicate with my roommate for she speak little English. Though we often tried our best to understand each other through body language, it was challenging.

A couple of months after, the language barrier complicates our harmony inside the house. Unfortunately, cultural conflict rose as well and everyone in the flat decided for me to leave.

Always available, always willing to help. With him, I am confident I won’t worry his support.

Soon after, I found myself calling my boyfriend. I don’t know why but I see him reliable. Always available, always willing to help. With him, I am confident I won’t worry a support. I see him as my knight in shinning armour. My saviour. Few days after, he found a decent apartment for me to stay in the city. He arranged everything and readied the requirements for my transfer.

Few days after, I found myself in a messy move out. It was about 4 o’clock in the afternoon and I was sitting at the edge of a neighbour’s door right in front of the elevator. All my things encircled me and I was counting time to 6 pm, counting people going in and out of the lift and counting money for the remaining days before payday.

Finally, my bae arrived as promised. My relocation had been easy. He served as my hunter and porter. I was able to save labour and sweat throughout the process. My knight had also established friendship with my new roommate.

At 11pm, right after all my stuffs had been settled, my now roomie invited us to have some late night food tasting in a hawker centre just across the apartment.

I enjoyed my 2.50 sgd seafood hor fun, I paired it with iced lemon tea in my regular no. 82 table.

Little that my new roommate know, she actually introduced to us into what became my favourite local noodle dish, Hor Fun. It is mainly a fried flat and dried rice noodles with egg gravy and garnished with delightful seafoods like shrimp, fish cake and/or chicken fillets. Spinach is also added and chops of jalapeño is optional but necessary for my tastebuds.

The stall was owned by petite and hardworking elder Chinese couple. It was only open late in the afternoon until midnight. Each time I enjoyed my 2.50 sgd seafood hor fun, I paired it with iced lemon tea in my regular no. 82 table.

To date, it was still my best hor fun dish that I kept on sharing and talking about with family and friends. My then boyfriend, who had helped me settle down in a peaceful household still gets a treat of this from me. Now, I am married to this man who had built a good food tradition in our relationship.

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*HDB (Housing and Development Board) - A common term for Singapore's public residential building that houses 80% of its citizen's.

Electra Complex: An Exploration of ‘The Daddy’s Girl’

PRINCESS ELECTRA

Electra is derived from the name of the Princess of Argos, the daughter of King Agamemnon and Queen Clytemnestra.

Princess Electra, together with his brother, Orestes, plotted a revenge against their mother and stepfather, Aegisthus, for their father’s murder. Electra, is one of the most popular Greek mythological characters in tragedies.

THE PSYCHO FATHERS

Electra Complex is a psychoanalytical term propounded by a Neo-Freudian Swiss Psychiatrist and founder of Analytical Psychology, Carl Gustav Jung. It is manifested by a young girl’s psychosexual rivalry against her mother for the possession of her father. Electra is also comparable to the Oedipus Complex of am Austrian Neurologist and founder of Psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, wherein a young boy psychosexually competes with his father for winning and possessing his mother.

SEXUAL CURIOSITY

According to Jung, the young girl’s attraction to his father occurs during the third (phallic) stage of Freud’s Five Levels of Sexual Development - that is between the age of 3 to 6 years old.

In Phallic Stage, the child’s sexual sensitivity is upon their genitalia. It is the stage when children becomes aware of their bodies and of their parent’s. The youngsters satisfy their curiosity and learn their physical differences by undressing and investigating each other and their sexual organs.

PENIS ENVY

Penis Envy is developed from girls towards all males. It is rooted from a biological awareness that without a penis she cannot sexually possess her mother. Thus, the girl redirects his desire to his father. Freud consider this desire as more emotionally intense.

TEMPORARY SOLUTION

The execution of defence mechanism provides transitory solution for the conflict of Id and Ego self drives. First through repression, where the memories, emotional impulses and conscious ideas are being blocked by the brain. Second is identification, in which the girl embody the personality of the mother. The objective is for a girl to develop a mature sexual role and identity as she grows up.

FAILURE TO RESOLVE

Fixation may arise if the sexual competition with the mother is unresolved. It may lead to a girl growing up to be a woman who struggles to control, overpower and seduce men due to unconscious penis envy. She may also have low self worth, be more submissive and less confident.

Sources: Wikipedia

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